Dating for Christian Men

I’ve put together some Christian dating tips that I wish I had been given when I was young. Exclusive dating should only be undertaken if you are serious enough to consider marriage. I write this so that you might honor Christ, your date, and yourself!

Christian singles are in a battle every day having been called to a higher standard of living than when they walked in the flesh. Whether old or young, the battle rages to remain pure and holy in a society that exalts decadent behavior. Dating makes the battle all the more difficult. Fortunately, they don’t battle on their own. Just as God has given us our feelings and emotions, He also gives us the Holy Spirit to keep those feelings under control and scripture to guide us. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, where Paul writes, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” Also, the writer of Romans admonishes in verse 1, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.”

Some of what follows may seem a bit rigid, but the man that follows it will insure a relationship free of regret. I’ll not spend more time than necessary on what used to be obvious. I present the first six separately because they’ve fallen out of fashion. They may even make you laugh, but your date will appreciate the effort. They will help you avoid self-destructing before leaving home. I continue to be amazed at men who spend hours preparing for a job interview and mere minutes preparing for a date. Here’s the first salvo:

1. Dress nicely – No brainer!
2. Comb your hair – also a no brainer!
3. Brush your teeth – please!
4. Wear deodorant – if you want to sit in the same room!
5. If you are driving – clean your vehicle inside and out
6. And always bring along your sense of humor

I’ve long known the above and have been reminded of them by the distressed young women who have sought my counsel. Simply, your opinion of yourself and your date is reflected in your appearance.

Okay, those are the “table stakes” if you will. If you ignore the six, then you won’t have to worry about the rest. Remember the old saw, “you won’t have a second chance to make a good first impression.” This is especially true if your date lives at home and you intend to pick her up there. Like it or not, her family will judge you the moment her dad opens the door to greet you.  Now for the “meat,” the tips that I believe show you to be a man she might go out with again.

1. Pray: Before you even leave home, a Christian man realizes the need to spend time on his knees asking God for help in honoring Him and his date. You can never go wrong beseeching the Lord in prayer. This will also put you in the proper mind-set for your time together.
2. Talk: There’s no better way to get to know someone than by talking with them about a wide variety of topics. The more you talk, the more you will begin to know if this might be a relationship that the Lord wants you to pursue.
3. Let’s be friends!  Remember, until you marry the person you are dating, she could be another’s future mate. When you begin dating, often there is pressure to move things along quickly. Cultivate friendship.  The longer you can remain “just friends”, the better your relationship will be if you do decide to marry. Take it from me, tt’s great being married to your best friend!
4. Pray in Groups: What in the world does that mean? This sounds like an odd dating tip. What I’m suggesting is that you don’t pray together alone as a couple too early in your relationship. Prayer is so very important in any relationship so please don’t misunderstand this point. The goal in any Christian relationship is to honor God. Prayer is intimate communication with God and can draw couples together in ways not intended if you are not careful. It’s better to pray together when you are with other Christians. This will help keep the focus on God and not allow thoughts and emotions to wander to prohibited areas.
5. Choose NOT to Kiss: At least until you are engaged to be married. Okay, this can be extremely difficult, but if you can follow this one dating tip then most of the others will happen naturally. Even kissing once you are engaged can be very dangerous. It’s better to not kiss at all until your wedding day! Before you laugh and check out, consider these points on kissing: A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man (and woman) instantly; If you aren’t kissing then you won’t become tempted to take things to a more intimate level. You’ll be protecting yourself and the purity of your date; If a Christian man is kissing his date and he becomes aroused (often just the possibility of a kiss can do this), is God or his date being honored; A kiss will surely break down your barriers and leave you in a position that could ultimately devastate your relationship with your date and separate you from a close walk with God. Self-control seems to be the better option; and Just think how magical that first kiss will be if it is saved for your wedding day!
6. Include Another Couple: You will find that physical issues are much less distracting if you plan most of your dating situations to include other couples. Group dates can be a lot of fun and you’ll also be helping your friends maintain purity in their relationships as well.
7. Always treat each Other with Respect: If you respect the person you are with then you won’t say or do things that will intentionally hurt them. Ask yourself “what would Jesus do?” and then do it!

Note: One of the bits of advice I give my disciples who intend to date is to sit their girl down and explain that they are not like other men she may have met. They fully intend to honor her while honoring God. I encourage them to ask their dates to hold them to this standard giving the ladies permission to call them out when they slide off the high mark they set.

Dating is a wonderful experience and should be enjoyed by both people in the relationship. If you harbor a sincere desire to honor your date and God with the choices you make, these will help. I pray they bless your life and your future relationships.

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